Anesthesia
by Mein Liebling
Summary: [Muggle Modern!AU] "How is he? Is he okay?" James asked. She rolled her eyes. "He flirted with me and sang a soulful version of the Pokémon theme song. I'm not sure if that's normal behavior but he seemed fine to me."


"The next time I tell you it's a bad idea, how about you try actually _listening_?" James hissed as the ER doctors lifted his immobile best friend onto a stretcher, and began loading him into the ambulance. "Coming from me, you should know that it was a bad idea!"

Sirius rolled his head back and forth, or at least tried to as one of the ER Medics held his head still and scolded him for it, and grinned drunkenly at his friend. _"Duuuuuuuuuude_, what are you talkin' about?" His words were slurred. "This was the best idea everrrrrrrrr!"

"You got into a frat fight with Snivellous and fell out of a second story window."

"Worth it."

James shook his head. "Remus is going to be pissed when he figures this out. He'll castrate you."

"Not my boys!" Sirius tried to move his hands towards his balls, but the same ER doctor slapped them away and told him to stay put as they loaded him into the truck.

"Whatever, man. I'll see you at the hospital, Padfoot; I don't think they'll let me in the ambulance."

"Tooooootles~!" Sirius grinned at his best friend and wiggled his hands.

The medics put an oxygen mask over his face and Sirius scrunched up his nose at it, but he didn't do much but play elevator music in his head. He couldn't feel the lower half of his body, and despite the fall he was still drunk-off-his-ass, so he just happily let the doctors do their things and pestered them with questions.

"Hellooooooooo~!" Sirius smiled at one of the ladies- who couldn't be possibly over thirty, which meant _score-_ and tried to put a seductive look on his face. He looked rather constipated instead, although the lady didn't bother to tell him this. "What's yourrrr name?"

She glanced at him briefly with a 'you serious?' look on her face, before turning back to watching his vitals. "Not interested."

"Comeeee on, doc." Sirius pleaded at her. "Don't shrug me off so harshly."

She rolled her eyes, and Sirius noticed how they were a pretty shade of brown. Hahahaha, he liked brown. Considering his name was Black, the fact that her eyes were brown was funny to him. Black, brown, black, brown, which created a sort of muddy dark colour now that he thought about it. Weird.

(He did take six vodka shots, two martinis, and three beers before this, so that was probably why this was so funny to him.)

"Fine. I'm McKinnon. I'd prefer Starbucks gift cards."

"Prefer?"

"You give us gifts for saving you from a miserable death of humiliation and frat nursing. I prefer Starbucks gift cards, McDonald here likes flowers, and we both like any sort of chocolate."

Sirius nodded solemnly. "I understand. You shall all get pretty chocolate flowers."

Marlene McKinnon sighed. "Good enough." She nodded to herself after she checked his vitals again before grabbing from a bolted down tray a large needle filled with anesthesia. "Alright, Mr. Black, we'll need to give you this as we'll have to reset the bones in your legs. This will numb the pain."

Sirius stared at the needle and pointed at it clumsily. "No."

"Yes." Marlene, without any more words, shoved it into his arm.

"Owwwwww!" Sirius howled, his eyes dilating appropriately. Marlene gave the signal to Mary to fully strap him down and to move his legs in a way so it would be easier to reposition them. "I'm bleeding! I'm bleeding aren't I? I'm going to die, Doc!" He let out a small cry as the medicine quickly kicked in and his even more fuzzy brain started to try and work through the haze. "Give it to me straight, Doc. I'm gonna die."

"Mr. Black, you aren't going to die."

"_Lies!" _Sirius started giggling madly to himself. "I just sounded like Golem. Golem, Golem, Golem."

Mary raised an eyebrow herself. "I would have never pictured someone like you to be a Lord of the Rings fan."

"I'm the Black Sheep- Hehehehe, get it? Black? Black Sheep?" Sirius snickered. "Family doesn't like normal stuff- _ooooohhhhh shiny!"_

Sirius tried to move his arms to point at the shiny light dangling over him, never mind the fact that his arms were strapped down to his sides.

Marlene nodded to Mary. "I think he's fully under it."

The blonde woman muttered, "Gee, you think?"

"I'M WANNA BE THE VERY BEST, LIKE NOOOOOOOOO ONE EVER WAS."

"…Is he…?"

"TO CATCH THEM IS MY REALLLLL TEST, TO TRAIN THEM IS MY CAUSEEEEEE."

"…He is."

"I WILL TRAVE L ACROSS THE LANDDDD, SEARCHING FAR AND WIDEEEE."

"Mr. Black-"

"EACH POKEMON TO UNDERSTANDDDD, THE POWER THAT'S INSIDEEEEEEEEE!"

"Mr. Black, please, we don't-"

"POKEMON! IT'S YOU AND ME, I KNOW IT'S MY DESTINY~!"

"Look, sir-"

"POKEMON! OH YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND, IN A WORLD WE MUST DEFENDDDDDDD!"

"I don't think he's going to stop?"

"POKEMON! A HEART SO TRUE, OUR COURAGE WILL PULL US THROUGHHHHH!"

"Want to knock him out?"

"POKEMON! GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALLLLLLLLLL-!"

"I thought you'd never ask."

Sirius didn't remember much else after that.

James strolled into the ER waiting room, soon after the ambulance had arrived and Sirius had been rolled in, and he caught Marlene just as she was exiting the room. "How is he? Is he okay?"

She rolled her eyes. "He flirted with me and sang a soulful version of the Pokémon theme song. I'm not sure if that's normal behavior but he seemed fine to me."

James relaxed. "Oh good. He's normal then."

Marlene nodded. "I figured as much."

* * *

><p><em>Written for ql finals (go puddles go crack go everything): dialating, bleeding, pokemon theme song, first line up there.<em>

_Dedicated to my lovely Lizard (Forever Siriusly Sirius) for being totally fab._

_I don't own hp. _


End file.
